| narcissus and goldmund exit |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|04:00 pm] |
It's blinking, that little foot tapping vertical line that moves as I type these words. thinking at me while I think at it.
This is where we come to communicate ideas from inside ourselves that we somehow wish for others to know.
sometimes I don't know how to say these things because all of my ideas are shapeless and don't typically have words that accompany them. But I suppose the reason I type here today is because my friends read it (enemies too?) and I want to express how much I love the feeling I have at the end of a book when I have immensely enjoyed it. Hesse feels close to me, probably much smarter than I'll ever be, but we definitely have similar minds. I think everyone who likes his novels would say this. I just feel melancholy and lumpy when I finish his books and want more of everything,, but I want everything while sitting, motionless, lost in thought, and imagining pure happiness.
I sat in front of our fireplace today for about 5 hours, reading. now I feel crazy!!
and now I want to purchase a record player. |
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| FOR BRADLEY |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|01:19 pm] |
I woke up at 6
to get some coffee with friends
one lost a front tooth.
in the morning fog
i feel like i'm on the moon
no earth around me.
just cleaned the bathroom
and also cleaned the kitchen
it's such a fun job.
these days I don't work
as much as I love working
I love to be free.
At the bakery
I bought some danish and scones
sometimes love the sweets.
Typewriter is close
choose to use the computer
technology now.
Exercise for brains
haiku makes me think about
all the words I write.
Spread oneself so thin
a jack of all trades does this
my lady told me.
More poems tomorrow
when I feel like writing more
maybe they'll be dumb. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2009|12:07 pm] |
october is scary.
it's halloween!
I sometimes feel absent.
i don't want to be,
but it's just that way.
I never seem to know
what my stupid, little,
tiny, short, worthless,
boring, ill, lame, tired,
dumb, thoughtless words
can sometimes do.
I never seem to think about
my quiet, thought-out, worthwhile,
easy, calming, curious, encouraging,
nicer, gentler words and how they move.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
yesterday on the way to the ferry
we sped-walk. speed-walked. speedily walked? sped walked. walked with speed.
I like the feeling of getting into a groove. elbows are high, hips level, the feet just glide along the concrete like a set of wheels rolling along. Then the giggles come. after all, we're speed walking people! and it's hilarious! |
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| silver streak on a grey bored |
[Oct. 15th, 2009|05:37 pm] |
A fire. A cat pulling up all of the furry memories from its banks.
Those accounts - they've run dry and there is no more fodder for the needy goblins.
Where no foamy drinks show is where I go in a time of loathing.
Can't seem to swim in a sea of serpents that say I'm shit!
It's only two and I still think of you - just as the moon trades places with the sun.
As far as our horizon is concerned, a daily plate of vitamins and sadness;
A burnt morsel left on a table with no color.
Faceless, bored, and tired of itself. |
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| buzz core |
[Oct. 9th, 2009|03:45 pm] |
just a second ago I finished consuming the following:
1 slice of sourdough bread
1 slice of dave's killer seed bread
abouttt uhhhh 1/2 a cup of hummus?
1 carrot
1 kashi TLC granola bar (It's nice to bring food to work for lunch, I'm really tired of the same thing everyday.)
00))))))))))))))))00***************0000))))****))**00)))**00))0****)000****0)00)000**))**)***)*)00**)
I'm getting lazy. no no no, I'm just chilling out often.
My bike is motionless. My legs are slow. slowly leaving.
just go ahead and call me corny when I pick up a bike trainer sooner or later.
I don't give a FUCK! being in pain and sweating and breathing heavily makes me feel wonderful.
I think we should make a small gym in the bottom of our house.
Then, when Jerry JR moves in we can wake him up in the morning with "uhhhhhhhhhgggggh!! yeah!!! " UHHH! "....put on like twenty more dude" "oh dude looks at my arms' hahh" .
actually that would be lame. I just want to ride my bike and when it is really gross outside I can just do it inssssied.e
I've been feeling really good lately but I also have this little pouch of anxiety that I'm dragging around, I think it's my creative godmother telling me "do something, you piece of shit!" and I want to. I want to write more new music. I want to make music with new people, with a new person. I need to do this. Last night alligators talked with a couple of guys that might be helping us out in the business dealings world of music. Since we've all played music together it's tough to stay focused, especially on things like getting good shows, promoting our band, etc. if someone else is doing these things, we can really do what we want to, which is make more and better music. Love coming out of me every way, hitting your sun spots.
I'm staying in Olalla tonight. homecooked meal, coffee, piano to play on, guitar to strum, weird african instruments, maybe a movie. I like my parents. I even love them. But I don't really understand them.. never have. I will make it a goal right now to complete a song tonight at my parents'. lyrics + music. ah shit, now I just need a teacher behind my forcing me to complete this song. gonna have to use me imagination.
I'm babbling. working at the ymca does this to me.
out. |
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| the kid keeps looking at me! |
[Oct. 6th, 2009|01:47 pm] |
so i'm at work right no and this kid keeps looking at me!
hides behind his backpack and then grits his teeth!
I wait for his peek and give him a playful eye.
for now at least, we will make each others' day...
but soon he'll have to follow grammy back out to the car
and go home with her, glued to her travels
dreaming up friends, asking her questions,
getting half-sticks of gum, pulling on her shirt,
poking her butt, telling her, "grammuh today at the y em see ae
thuh boy at the coffee place was scaring me.."
--------============+++++++++++++++++
I love cooking. I wish I had endless amounts of money (food stamps?) to spend on expensive foods because they are delicious! and you can make good food from good food.
-----------------------------------------
My bike is upset with me, I think.
I haven't been returning its calls and never let it inside.
I'm sorry Lemond..... I just think there is a coldness between us. Going to be even colder soon.
But I have winter shoe covers! and Wool gloves! and Thermal cycling pants! What am I talking about! I'll give you a call first thing in the morning, Lemond!
-tyler |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2009|02:37 pm] |
The wind jumps around never stopping to rest. The sun shines through the gusts and still warms me up.
A coffee cup, a rolled cigarette. A girl to sit with, be with, talk with.
2 wheels wait for me - i hope i don't get blown off!
Things are great and I want to realize that more.
I never really see where I am, what I'm doing,
too much sleep or not enough. maybe I'll tune that up sometime.
Things move too slow for me but I always with life didn't move so fast.
I'm going to a working interview today - basically I already have a new job, the people there just want me to impress them. easy.
It's going to be the first time I've worked with other people in about one year. Hopefully I don't go jail!!! wHAT?!
whate... whut? lovers! |
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| ONGAKU |
[Sep. 24th, 2009|04:51 pm] |
good music creates a world
to see out of for a short time - usually 3 - 5 min or so
and for that time life is complete bliss
i want to hold onto this feeling |
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| BENTENTCHINTISS |
[Sep. 21st, 2009|05:18 pm] |
| [ | WHERE YOU AT? |
| | JOB | ] |
| [ | LISTENING |
| | ymca bullshit | ] |
I've been to bremerton many times but never really noticed Arvon Ave.
Now I live at the end of that street, right up against the shipyard.
I'm quite comfortable there so far - good people, cozy room, nice kitchen.
Oh! but I need to change my address....
I also must, need to , have to! ... get a job nearby. I cannot continue to work so far away.
Slinging coffee is my trade so if you know somebody, tell 'em you know me and that I know how:
I pour latte art and for a start the service part has always been a breeze.
I never get mad just sometimes sad but always with a please. ?
I've been getting to know a really wonderful girl and it totally makes me happy.
It's like there's this magic nothing to it and we just conjure this extremely exciting ease between us.
And all of this just out of nowhere. it's amazinggggggggggggggg really.
I want to get my laptop back soonnn, haven't been able to record music on my owns and would love to get back to that.
!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!!? I CAN JUST DO THAT.
I'll get it today possibly, or even tomorrow. i don't know.
peace to you and yours
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| !!! |
[Sep. 9th, 2009|11:04 am] |
stereoscopic photography is so sweet.
position your face 2 or 3 feet away from the image and cross your eyes, gently, so that the 2 images overlap. where they make a 3rd image in the middle, try and focus on that one!!! IT is 3 dimensional. nice! oh goody!
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2009|11:00 am] |
| [ | WHERE YOU AT? |
| | CELL | ] |
| [ | VIBES |
| |  awake | ] |
for me, everything feels the same right now. but i bet that will change.
can't wait.
can't wait to feel totoooootalyly free. free to go nuts, free to drink clean water. free to snack on food in the bulk aisle at fred meyer. free to epyt sdrawkcab.
last night was really intense for me. i say this because usually, nothing stresses me out, i don't get to anxious about something, i don't dwell on one thing for a long time or worry about what will happen, i don't really get nervous. but I just became really frantic last night! And then booooooooom dialed the number, said it, listened, tried to be a calm as i could, as gentle as i could. it was really hard and i feel awful for having caused such devastation, especially right before she had to go to work. jeeeez, what a way to walk into work. i am an a hole................... but i think this is gooooooood.
now i can really just be whoever i am, this really childish weirdo that knows how to sing and create music. that's all i want to be. and i want to be it now
alligators . we are recording some things as we write new things, and it is wonderful. I can't believe the stuff that comes out of us when we all just work together. it's nuts! none of us could have possibly imagined what we sound like. it's just odd. probably not that groundbreaking or amazing, but UNBELIEVABLE. ha, i guess i'm just pumped on the new song we're recording. it's great!
and i guess i'm learning that if i don't have any lyrical inspiration, just rip off john steinbeck's stories! BAM! instant vivid imagery in our music....
I just wrote this entire entry while sitting in a chair at work.
I am a barista.
but i don't serve coffee.
i love you!!!!!!! |
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| today is august twenty eight two thousand and nine.... |
[Aug. 28th, 2009|04:46 pm] |
| [ | WHERE YOU AT? |
| | BARISTA LAND | ] |
| [ | VIBES |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | LISTENING |
| | hummmm buzzzz oooooonn | ] |
goodness, gracious, me! something is happening.
my insides decided to move around a bit, change their position.
my stomach is pushing up on my chest, making my throat tingle and swell in waves.
sometimes my breath pauses as my fingers have 2 seconds of cling.
I have been replying to everyone today in jokes. I giggle out of nowhere and said
No, AmericaNO.
all of this feels gooood. i've been thinking a lot recently. about people and myself.
my quote of the day is this: "i ain't put together with spit" -suzy
also this is good "man can climb high on the steps of responsibility" -mack
today when I finished sweet thursday (john steinbeck)))))) i felt this huge smile come across my face and I welled up with pure joy for like 2 minutes. it was so awesome. anywayyyyyyyyyy anyway I"m "working" just banging on some keys, that's all.
today I was making a drink for this mental girl and I asked her "what are you doing today?" she replied, "I'm going to walgreens to get soap" asweosem!judgWioujipiup90uyihgo
I am a baby deer hopping down the dirt road on all four legs!!!! BAOUNDCE ABOPUNCE BOU?NCE A?BOU C |
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| good reading on this livejournal lately... |
[Aug. 21st, 2009|11:04 am] |
I don't really have anything to write at this moment... so I'll copy something out of my notebook. i wrote it earrllllly this morning at work. about 6.15 am. enjoy.. no,,,,,
"now presenting........ an earlier work!" hahah, no, HERE HE IS!!! no..... how about this one...
"she's known as the living table!!!" (makes no sense) please read.
On the way into work this morning I had some kind of profound thought.
I couldn't remember, just a second ago, what it was, exactly.
But now I've written my brain out on paper and achieved my short-term goal:
I've remembered the profound thought!
Of course, it may not be profound as the realization of enlightenment,
Or having children for the first time in your life,
But so simple and bold that it inspires and motivates me just as well.
The thought is this: I need to be with the right crowd of people.
My group should be filled with artists, people that discuss the invisible qualities of life
And are genuine in their sentiment and friendship.
I want to hang with those who will wake up for sunrise with me
And share a cup of tea on the roof of our communal home
Or sit on the kitchen floor with glasses of wine, discussing our peak musical experiences.
The word 'bohemian' comes to mind as I think of all this.
But I won't use it (oops) because that word is tied to others and my life is not words.
And I remember certain eras in my history during which I have been in this group ,
And we did some of these things
Why did I not know then?
Why didn't I hold onto it with clenched fists and kind words?
I will this time - I will hold on because it's my life and it matters.
------- I like writing things really early in the morning because the brain really is in a different place and what comes out doesn't really feel normal. But I like it all the same.
THE SLING OF DESPOND can't get it out of my mind |
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| 19 |
[Jul. 25th, 2009|10:25 pm] |
today was nice. work went by quickly. I rode my bike home really fast.
decided that it wasn't enough and put on my onesie. wonzy.
rode for 2 hours straight and rode pretty hard!!!!! I have never felt so terrible after getting off my bike. Couldn't stop sweating. Now I feel much better after some food eating.
I want to do something really creative right now... but I'm just too tired to think productively.
It's totally crazy, but I've completely erased the desire to smoke cigarettes. Not really a conscious effort, but I suppose anytime you might exert your body for extended periods of time, lighting up a doob doesn't exactly sound appealing. so if you want to quit smoking just start riding a bike, I mean really riding it. driving it, going faster every time you get on it, pushing through hills, hardly ever touching the brakes on descents, drafting cars, look silly but feel comfortable.
I'm toying with the idea of just doing some kind of dance music set at tonyfest... it might be kinda boring though, we'll see.
where are you now?! really where |
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| wait, I shaved yesterday.. |
[Jul. 22nd, 2009|05:24 pm] |
So yesterday I shaved my face.
I thought I did this today before work.
I just rubbed my cheek and thought "I'm getting older"
It was the first time I felt my face and it was so rough so soon after shaving...
But it wasn't this morning
it was yesterday
I am not getting older
I always want music to be quieter
sorry for that
Loud is just too macho
and usually a stupid idea because you can't hear anything
no details. just crackle buzz buzz i'm a piece of shit.
and fuck macho
loud should be like dark chocolate - once in a whileeeeee
just to make the quiet more meaningful.
that is my music lesson for the day. |
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| today is July 22nd total solar eclipse!!! but not here of course.. |
[Jul. 21st, 2009|08:33 pm] |
Well, I am back from "tour"
It was not good -
In tour terms it was quite awful
But I had fun
because
I like roughing it.
Now
I want to get healthy again not smoke too much not drink too much ride bike more often forget about shitty food be in nature more often be more honest with people write more music don't fuck around with music be serious about it and not play crappy music I want to be a professional musician so from now on I am one.
tour de france
the world |
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| music and photos STOP BATH |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|07:49 pm] |
so I just thought about how insane photography really is. I mean film photography. I think that I am tOo simplistic to be shooting film,? therefore I stick with the ones and zeros. the digitale.
SSSSSSSIIIIIIIIII actually I'll probably keep shooting film every once in a while. It just blows my mind look at 'em these look at themn
WEBSITE ON FLICKR THIS IS A LINK PEOPLE
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| day of rest |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|10:58 am] |
well the tour de france physical phreaks are taking a break today... Then they'll climb back on their cycles tomorrow and race again. I guess pretty much every team still keeps their riders "warm" by riding an easy 50 miles on their day off. aahhhhhh thas retahhded.
I am about to be leaving for california this wednesday. alligators are having a lil' tour de california. I'm hoping that I can bring my bike just so I don't get to antsy. ....
ya know, 'cause, I just gotta get goin' sometimes. I love cycling so much. I really wish I was into it earlier in my life so I would maybe do more with it now in terms of racing or something. I suppose it's never too late to start, but this season is in full swing now, just have to wait until next years teams start shaping up. I really should should
Lately - longing. LOnging? haha so romantic. I guess my chest feels a little stretchy at times. I want to close the gap, just like the peloton would during a breakaway. "tyler, please shut up about cycling"
My dreams get increasingly obscure. last night I found my self being led inside some kind of strange ramp - apparatus and apparently I was trying to reach the top.... I just remember explaining to someone that when I got to the second level of the ramp, I could speak in higher notes and if I tried to see the mountain, all of my sharp colors wouldn't appear to me. I am not sure what any of this is. invisible ropes on my internal characteristics? I think it was something like that.
In dork world, I recently got some bib shorts (basically onesies for bicycling) and they are fucking comfy! eat my dust heheah
I think I'm excited for our little travels this week. yay
i have a camera so i should document ittttt. see you
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| GATORZ |
[May. 26th, 2009|01:52 pm] |
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see yallz tonight at chop suey if you can make it! doors open up at 8 pm. we'll be playing with song sparrow research and the atlantic line. (colonies cancelled? i don tknowwnnw_ |
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tylerlewis's journal
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